ok where to begin, i dont think there really is a place so ill just post what has happened during meditation's
date is 28th of feb, 2008 first entry
during the last week i have been practicing in just letting go and accepting what ever will happen, eventually i have no choice and i need to play it out.
so, most of you have read i did have a sort of shell shock awakening the other day, nothing special happend i was just directed somewhere completely differnt, it happend after i felt as lost as i possibly could, not really having any direction and feeling like a square peg in a round hole. (i still to a degree do)
anyhow, i can ramble later
i noticed lately, the colors are definantly getting stronger, its not just purple anymore but sometimes a lime green inside the purple, flashes (only rarely) of white, and a red sort of deep haze. but predominantly very very purple, it is more vibrant and almost everywhere i look, i can see the haze in my minds eye.
uhm, secondly... it started slowly but during the last few sessions body movements have become more and more surreal. i seem to be playing somewhat with my hands, they dance around infront of me... but very very methodical, i dont control them but i can if i want to. letting them do their 'thing' just feels natural. (yes my hands are feeling quite warm, not hot but warm)
thirdly, i had sustained a bit of an injury lately hence taking a week off my usual martial arts training and resting. i had got shin splints which usually occurs form over use and doing to much too soon (i was training 4 hours a day 5 days a week boxing and muay thai) which brings me to this, during meditation my shins would get hot... very hot, i remember a year or so back i had the same feeling in my knee, it burned ... like using tiger balm or deep heat the same kind of feeling although i hadnt' rubbed a thing on it the entire time, these sesations slowly with will on my behalf crawled up to the top of my thighs and resonated just below my hips where it soon passed.
fourthly, im going to come right out and say it but.. my third eye or what feels like in the middle of my forehead is lets say buzzing?? uhm, get your thumb and press it as hard as you can into your forehead and it feels something like that with a tingle
its been like this for days now but when i seem to meditate it gets overwhelming, my whole head starts to vibrate a bit i guess and i feel it kind of like little streams moving to behind my eyes and trying to get in, also my nose will beging to twitch the muscles inside it just seem to spasm. from there it gets a little heavy because before i had just let it do its thing i would always kind of project through it although not much would happen, now when i just let it be it seems to want to push backwards into my skull.. the crown (this has never happend before) energy i will use as a loose term for meaning.. 'something that feels like moving under my skin like a vibrating pulse' .... seems to be flowing from my forehead up along the very top of my skull (it seems to be stream lined all the time) to a part in my head (somewhere around the middle) where it becomes ... like a really heavy pressure (its doing it now )
i would really like some help with this please because it makes me feel sick its like, this amazing pressure is piling on top of my head, and burrowing, the part that frightens me is it becomes so intense that i feel like im going to throw up. for some reason it, pulls me at the same time... my head seems to feel like its being inflated with air and i begin to feel sypmtoms like vertigo and im going to vomit ( i never do but its nauseus) from there fo some bizzare reason it goes down my spine, it travels very slowly like a lump and seems to stop now and again which seems to i guess aggravate some of the surrounding muscles making them feel like knots which seems to get stuck in my throat (yes a bit odd) these knots also seem to resonate and the energy finally goes down gradually to the bottem of my spine where it lingers and doesn't move. ... occasionally i get a shot of energy that returns straight back up the way it came but while it does so seems to chill everything, or heat eveything around it while it ascends and then dissapears into the crown.. or sometimes even more oddly keeps going... and that usually makes the inflated head and ... bizzarely i can feel it.... when its nowhere near me ... WAT THE FUCK
uhm, have been dabbling a little bit with trying to see energy. only thing i can remotely say is differnt is that once ilook long enough i dont need to close my eyes to see the purple haze and very very unoticeably i can see like little buzzes, or strands go from finger to finger when i put them close and try to 'send, energy between them' just looking at them long enough brings up a sort of hazy shadow which really could be anything at all. this phenomena is like, just seeing a few wimsical things every now and again although i will add, its becoming alot more colorfull, i can see the purple and different hues today whereas yesterday i couldn't. .... although i personally dont think this has anything to do with seeing shit
!! lol
uhm what else, not really much at all .. although a strange thing did occur when i went hiking with my friends to a few waterfalls, we walked around 15km's and..... when we got to a place called the canyons my hand seeminly when i was alone wanted to touch everything. i felt the trees, and rocks.... and when we enterd this kind of cave i stared up and the rock sort of... moved (have you stared at one of them illusion spirals when you move your eyes things still seem out of whack) it did that only breifly and i went about my walk, it was really nice. only until the next day when i was telling another friend did he tell me that the place i visited used to be an aboriginal migration centre where alot of them would camp breifly before venturing. i didn't think anything of it at the time and i dont now, maybe i just have and inner ear problem i miht go see the doctor
open to specualation. and yes this is my first entry .. muich more to come, and for some reason i feel like i got to move, i have to leave to keep path going. this is very hard for me, can you guys give me some suggestions as to what i should do ??
